Fatherhood: the state of being a father

I will not spend time on the Xs and Yx of genetics as that is far beyond my scope and expertise; I am good up to 10th-grade Biology and (2) Biology courses in college. But I will relate this back to Chemistry for the sake of analogy and focusing on the meaning and the impact of Fatherhood.

And as with most of The Reliable Dad pieces, I will pull from my life experiences to shape the direction and opinion of this post.

Fatherhood

I went to Merriam-Webster to grab the textbook definition of “Fatherhood” and got no results of a pure definition of Fatherhood. Before you get up in arms, there was not one for Motherhood either.

So here is my attempt:

Fatherhood: /ˈfä-t͟hər-ˌhu̇d/ (noun)

1. the state of being a father

It is simple. It is bound by the present.

 
When I hear the phrase: “the state of,” I am immediately taken back to high school chemistry and think of the physical states of elements/molecules. And if you remember, the physical states of all elements are determined by the factors: Pressure and Temperature. At differing levels of pressure and temperature, you will get differing states of matter for the same molecule. Let’s take the most basic example we all know: H2O. (water)

• Cool it down below 32 degrees Fahrenheit at sea level, and you will get a SOLID.

• Warm it up anywhere between 32.1 degrees and 211.9 degrees, and you will get LIQUID.

• Heat it up any further beyond 212 degrees, and you will start to produce GAS.

It is the same molecule, just in a different physical state due to the external factors of Pressure and Temperature.

You might be saying: “Why did I just read that?” I promise there is a reason for this detour from fatherhood into Chem 101, and it is that the “state of fatherhood” will take on different forms due to external factors. They may not be temperature and pressure, but here is my list of external factors that influence the “state of fatherhood”. These factors are external of the state of fatherhood but can be internal or directly related to the physical being that is the “father.”

The 4 factors contributing to the state of fatherhood.

Physical, Mental, Marital, & Spiritual.

Each one of the factors above will have a starting point, will vary via intensity during fatherhood, and have a static endpoint at the end of your stent as a father. The first and end points are likely obvious. What may not be so obvious and what will guide the discussion during this series will be the middle point in the above series, which is how will the intensity of these factors vary during life and what outcomes can be expected at different levels.

As outlined above, factors like Pressure and Temperature affect the states of elements and molecules when those factors are changed by degree. With more pressure + higher temps, the states will change. The same goes for the inverse reaction.

So with that being the premise for this conversation, let’s dive into the 1st Factor: Physical Health

Physical Health

This one is the one that is near and dear to me. As I have had a dense background in physical fitness and well-being for my entire professional career, my area of study during college, and my prior focus during my youth, having a dad who was very physically fit and led a health-centric lifestyle for me to mimic.

Measuring the “Physical” Factor and How Physical Health Effect the State of Fatherhood

As laid out with the factors around the elemental states above, temperature and pressure, clear levels (intensities) separated the different states. for H2O: 32 degrees at sea level to form a solid. 

The intensities/measurables for physical health are wellness and sickness; there is no specific intensity where this will = a specific state beyond the obvious (life v. death). So this one will live and be presented on a spectrum. On one end of the spectrum: Wellness, and on the other end, Sickness.

Physically strong/sound dads will be able to play, roughhouse, show what hard work and diligent manual labor looks like. How to split the log, How to mow the lawn, How to lift the weights, How to sand a piece of lumber correctly, How to lift the stone… etc… In some cultures, a physical act is a right of passage that was taught to them by their fathers, and their fathers were taught by their fathers, etc… In the American or traditional modern society, these rights of passage are less physical and sometimes not present at all.

The father who is physically healthy or well (and not sick) will be able to interact and take on a different form than one who is not “well” or is “sick”. Whether it be of their “fault” or not, the father that is well can be more engaged, interactive, and lead with a strong physical presence than the one that is sick.

Wellness vs Sickness

Before continuing, we should define wellness and sickness. Wellness in terms of this discussion, would be defined as a father who has:

• Vitality: 

  • void of poor health markers like Chronic Diseases: hypertension, cancer, diabetes, lung disease, stroke, etc…)

    • again I am aware that some of these things may be out of your control 100% I am not placing blame, but rather just stating if we have one of these we will be further away from the wellness end of the spectrum.

• Strength:

  • has the ability to perform physical tasks needed in fatherhood: protection from threats to the family, physical upkeep of the property/shelter, etc…

• Knowledge/Skill Base:

  • has a broad skill base and the ability to perform recreational skills with the end result of transferring knowledge and skills to their youth. There are three components skill acquisition, skill mastery, and skill transfer.

    • Skill Acquisition: as fathers you must have first acquired the skills in order to transfer them, be it from your father or another figure. You will have had to learn from a professional in that domain.

    • Skill Mastery: mastery is a loose term but you will have needed to practice something to become competent enough in your understanding in order to train/teach/guide others (your youth) to the same if not higher understanding of this skill.

    • Skill Transfer: it is one thing to hold the knowledge of a skill and master it; it is another to be able to teach/guide or transfer this skill to another. Fathers must be teachers at heart and be willing to guide their youth to acquire the necessary skills in life.

• Resilience/Endurance:

  • has the ability to withstand physically outside stressors and pressures.

  • can you endure hard things for long periods of time. (we have modern-day ways to test this, like Ultra-Marathons and the like - if you are a dad who has trained and completed an ultra, you have the skill/ability to endure hard things physically.

How to increase your Physical Health

You can expand your abilities in all of these above areas through the disciplined action of training your physical body via regular exercise and diet. Acquire a specific nutrition plan, follow the plan, and reap the rewards. The same goes for an exercise plan. Acquire, follow, and reap the rewards.

Physical Health is a great place to start for all fathers because, unlike the other factors we will speak about in the future, it is as pure of a reaction as you can get. I.e. if you put in 100 units of energy/focus/effort, you will reap 100 units of outcome. It will be delayed, but it will be there at the end of the reaction.

I am not here to tell you what diet to follow or what training protocol to follow but the one that hits the following areas is probably a great place to start:

• prioritizes eating whole foods and complete proteins in moderation at regularly timed intervals

• involves progressive loading style of weight training multiple times per week

• has enough aerobic activity to create a strong aerobic base for all normal daily activities

• has enough variety to increase your skill set (i.e. if you have only trained as a runner or as a weight lifter, you are missing out on the benefits the other offers as well as the skills you would acquire in each discipline)

The other 3 factors that contribute to the state of fatherhood

Coming up in future weeks we will breakdown:

• Mental

• Marital

• Spiritual

See you all next week and thank you for reading!